Until I found myself in this situation, I had never instinctively been the girl who had the right words/did the right things for friend in a scary medical situation. In fact, when I became ill, I was absolutely stunned by the generosity of people. Whether people give of their time, their resources, their expertise or their support, it’s an incredibly humbling experience. I can’t remember how many times, often through tears, that I told my dad and stepmom “PEOPLE ARE SO GOOD”.
Friends would show up with meals, gifts, cards, treats, cozy blankets, relaxing teas, etc. That list goes on. I think I truly got a crash course on what really matters in tough times. It wasn’t the “things”. It was the generosity of spirit of those people in my world. My experience put everything in perspective for me.
Over the course of a few blog entries, I’m going to share with you some of the things that made a huge difference in my cancer-fighting world. It’s my hope that some of these are helpful. I also hope that you’ll be ready to band together as part of your person’s community at a time where they need you most. They’ll never forget it.
Emotional Support
I think it goes without saying that lending your emotional support will go a long way. Whether you text, email or message your person, say what’s on your mind. Don’t say things you don’t mean or feel. Offer your support. Give your person an “out” with regards to responding. For example, “…no need to respond. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you/praying for you/here for you, etc.”… I received a ton of messages and letters from important friends and family. It was very difficult, however, to get back to everyone while I was also in the throes of beating cancer. Show your person some grace and let them know that you aren’t expecting a response.
Cleaning
When I was sick, I rarely left the house except for medical appointments. I was primarily in my comfy home and certainly wasn’t doing a ton of cleaning. There were times that I wasn’t even sure that I could make it to the kitchen sink, let alone clean it. Between not leaving and not cleaning, I really needed some help. My regular cleaners volunteered to come over (free of charge) to clean my home for me one day. They came in on a day that I was at chemo. I didn’t realize how much the disarray in my home had been weighing on me. It’s widely understood that a clean and organized home lends itself to better mental health. If you can afford to send your person’s cleaners to their home and help to pay the bill, you will be making a huge impact.
Fundraising
Within days of my diagnosis, my best friends started a fundraising site for me. Questions of my employment status, ability to work, income potential, and medical expenses were constantly swirling in my head, especially early on. In a matter of days, there was enough money raised by my community that I knew that I could have peace of mind for the time being to focus on my next steps. When money woes aren’t hissing in your ear, it becomes a lot easier to tackle the massive medical tasks at hand.
In my case, surprise expenses popped up everywhere. I discovered that prescriptions and pet scans and lab tests add up quickly. In addition to this, I couldn’t do the chores that I would’ve normally done. I found myself paying people to handle seemingly simple tasks. Sometimes I had to order meals/groceries/drug store items at a markup through delivery services rather than pick them up myself. My point is that the expenses incurred when battling a significant illness come out of nowhere. If you don’t start a fundraising campaign for your person, perhaps you can check around to see if one already exists to which you can contribute. Every teeny bit helps massively.
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2 TOMORROW! We’ll talk about a bunch of other things that you can do to help your friend through the new burdens their scary diagnosis!
So proud of you 🥰🥰🥰🥰