As promised, I’m back today to continue with some more ideas of what you can do for your person in need. I recently saw my friend who apologized for not having been there when I was diagnosed with cancer. She admitted, through tears, that she was paralyzed and unsure about how to reach out and what to say or do. This is so common. Before I got sick, I probably WAS this way to a large extent. My goal with this post is to give you some new ideas or reaffirm the ones you’ve already had.
Start a Meal Train
Moving around my kitchen and assembling meals was one of the last things I wanted to do. I wasn’t even always hungry at different stages of my treatment. That said, I have two middle/high school aged children that needed to be fed, whether I felt like it or not. Ordering delivery from meal delivery services is convenient but expensive. That cost really adds up. Friends started a meal train for me which made it so easy to have food for the family.
A meal train is a concept where a signup sheet is circulated for an individual’s friends and family to commit to bringing prepared food to their home. There are websites created specifically for this purpose. My friends used Mealtrain.com and it made the process easy for volunteers. They could look at a calendar of available dates and also see what others were bringing so as to avoid duplicate meals. A volunteer can also forego the meal prepping and just order a gift card to be sent to the individual.
I kept a large cooler on my front porch for people to deliver the meals. To keep things simple, meal preppers can plan to make the meal and deliver it to the patient’s home by way of the cooler. In the beginning, my generous people would bring me food and knock on the door to drop it off. As much as I missed my people and craved that interaction, it truly wore me out. It also took advance planning to be awake, dressed and presentable. There were days of misery where none of that would happen. When you go to the trouble to prepare a meal and just drop it off, it truly is a massive labor of love that will NOT go unnoticed. I’d imagine that it might feel a bit anticlimactic but it is the most gracious thing you can do.
My friends would also include little notes or heating/reheating/serving instructions. Sometimes there were very unexpected treats or groceries added to the bags. Many of my people used disposable dishes or containers. This removed the pressure for me to wash, label and return somebody’s dishes and servingware. In the whole scheme of things, the meal train and MY PEOPLE made a significant difference in my family’s world.
Words of Affirmation
I have repeatedly been humbled by the people in my world who have expressed to me that they admire my strength or that I am an inspiration. In my past research into my love languages (from The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman) I’ve found that I am big on “acts of service” and “words of affirmation”. That said, words like “strength” or “inspiration” are bigger than average words and those kind of sidelined me. Multiple times, people’s words of kindness triggered some tears and much gratitude. They also served as words of encouragement to boldly continue on my path.
I recognize that some people aren’t as motivated by words of affirmation as I am. But at a time where there is so much pain and suffering, it helps to hear that you are affecting someone else in a positive way. Tell your person how their strength is impacting you from afar. Somehow, this gives the suffering a positive purpose and lightens the load.
Random Cheer
When I first became ill, I was blown away by the number of people in my world who reached out in support and encouragement. I was blessed with regular deliveries of happiness. Each and every one of those gifts means so much to me to this very day. As one would expect, there came a time when it all quieted down. And that’s OKAY! And then there were a few deliveries that came out of the blue when things were otherwise quiet.
When flowers or a card would show up, they recharged me so much! Things get a little bit desolate in treatment. The rest of the world goes on without you. Those items were so special and were reminders of my unwavering support system. If you think about your friend and suspect that the initial mountain of support has hit a valley, throw them a little cheer. Send a card, drop off a seasonal treat or leave flowers on their step. I can promise that your sentiment will bring joy.
Acts of Service
When I was discussing the financial burdens earlier in this post, I mentioned that there were household chores that I was no longer able to complete myself. When my father wasn’t physically there helping, I had to hire someone or wait for my children to come back from their Dad’s house. My diagnosis came in summer, and I found that the growing grass waits for no man. One day I realized that my next door neighbors had cut my front lawn! They even weed-wacked a number of times. In the fall, they raked my leaves. And, you guessed it…in the winter, they shoveled my steps, walkway and front sidewalk. They even cleared the snow off of my car. There is no way that some of those things would have gotten done without help.
Depending on your friend’s living arrangements, you could converge with a shovel after a storm and clear a path. Perhaps you could plant flower bulbs in the fall so there would be fresh spring flowers. Regardless of what you do, you’ll definitely be lessening your friend’s heavy burden.
Stay tuned for Part 3 and the series wrap-up tomorrow! More good ideas to come!
