We’ve reached the final section of my entry related to ideas of way to help and support a friend with a cancer diagnosis. If you haven’t seen parts one and two, please check them out. You can find them on the sidebar on the righthand side…
Help With Kids/Pets
Most moms would agree that they struggle with some degree of “mom guilt” for as long as they have had kids. Mine was worse because I wanted to be around my kids but I was essentially very boring company. I just didn’t feel well and often parked myself on the couch or in bed. There were a number of times that friends and family offered to help by coming to pick up my kids to take them to do something fun. My friends helped me by taking my kids over to their homes, to the pool, to a baseball game or some other “not-your-everyday” activity.
I had peace of mind knowing that they weren’t stuck at home just because I was stuck at home. If you’re so inclined, it would make such a difference for you to offer to take the kids (OR EVEN THE DOG!) out of the house for a bit.
Help Their Garden
One of my favorite things about spring and summer is getting outside to grow vegetables. I study the Gardener’s Supply Company every day leading up to my planting. Tomatoes are my favorite and most of my garden belongs to them. I grew some from seedlings and, at the time, I was so invested in them and their wellbeing. The month before my diagnosis last year, I planted 8 different varieties of tomatoes. I would go outside every day and walk around looking at them, checking for pests, counting baby tomatoes, etc.
As soon as chemo started, those tomatoes were on their own. If it wasn’t for my dad watering them on a daily basis, they would have died. I was still able to get outside to view and enjoy them, but I did not have the consistent strength to water them myself. They brought me so much joy while I was sick. If your ill friend loves their plants, whether indoors or outdoors, offering to keep them watered would be a luxurious comfort.
Do Holiday Decorating
Right before Thanksgiving last year, I got neutropenia, which is when your white blood cells drop dangerously low. When this happens, your body can’t fight off sickness the same way a healthy person would. I quickly developed a case of pneumonia and was admitted to the hospital for a week. I got home the day before Thanksgiving.
While I was in the hospital, five of my dear friends/colleagues gathered decor and and transformed my front porch for the Holidays. My friends a brought a colorful rug and a coordinating fuzzy red ottoman. They also added a cozy blanket and decorative throw pillow on each of my chairs. They used mini lit christmas trees, strings of lights, a gorgeous wreath, some snacks and treats in graduated sizes of tins and some mugs with our initials. The scene was breathtaking. It looked so cute but, more than that, it was the kindness, generosity and love that my friends showed to make it happen. That gesture was so special and left an unforgettable impression.
Recorded Video Visits
Because my energy was at an all-time low, I had a hard time committing to visit with friends and family. To make matters worse, we were also in the throes of COVID. I wasn’t able to be around unvaccinated individuals. My doctors strongly discouraged me to allow people in my house for fear of new germ introduction. Fortunately, I have a large porch and I would sometimes get outside to “front porch sit”. My family member or friend would come and we’d sit socially distanced. Sometimes, though, I would start to go outside to meet a friend and would be faced with maladies that made visits uncomfortable. I had to cancel on friends more than a few times. Canceling always made me feel terrible.
Instead, a couple of my friends decided to record a video on their phone and send it over. I could watch it when the time was convenient and respond via video when I had a moment. It was the equivalent of a facetime call, I guess, but it wasn’t on a predetermined schedule. This would take an enormous amount of pressure off of your ill friend and also keeps them in touch.
It is my sincere hope that an idea in this blog helped someone looking to help a friend with cancer. There truly is nothing worse than feeling a sense of innocent overwhelm that leads to inaction. I am so grateful for all of the people that helped to inspire these suggestions. My whole tribe got me through my nightmarish stretch. If you are reading this, you’re probably one of them!
As always, if I can be of any help to you or someone you know, please reach out to me.
